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We were asked to write about cheating (but none of that silly romantic nonsense).
I tried hard to have a good opening (a "narrative hook") and to do something original with the idea of cheating. I felt it was too easy to take the idea at face value, so there are actually two cheats going on -- but the reader won't find out about the second until they get to the very end.
We were also asked to edit our first draft so I've included my first draft. This too was an eye opener. I don't normally have a first draft as such. I constantly revise as I'm writing and as ideas occur to me and then, once I finish, I polish and polish and polish. But this time I deliberately forced myself to write a first draft with no alterations whatsoever. Then I went back and polished...
I was quite surprised at how clean the first draft was. Nevertheless, it definitely needed work. The final draft is a little longer. I felt the location needed more work to bring it alive, and I really needed to clean up the vocabulary (I used the word "final" three times in two sentences and I had my usual problems with mixed up pronouns). I also had to work hard to give the ending the necessary punch. Fortunately I discovered that I had planted a suggestion near the beginning which came in very useful.
"So," said Professor Hanson. "This time I think you ought to kill somebody."
Peter, his research assistant, looked a bit taken aback. "Are we ready for that yet?" he asked. "The software is still full of bugs and it doesn't cope well with anything very extreme."
"That's why a killing will be a good test," said the Professor. "The only way we'll ever get the bugs out of the system is to keep pushing at the edge cases."
"OK," said Peter, but he didn't sound convinced. "What's the scenario?"
"It's a bit of a cliché," admitted the Professor. "You'll be in a saloon in the wild west, playing poker with a bunch of cowboys. One of them keeps winning and eventually you accuse him of cheating. You both go for your guns, and you kill him."
Peter pulled a face. "All right," he said. "Let's get it over with."
The virtual reality helmet looked like a World War II gas mask with a lot of complicated electronics attached to it. Peter put it on. The laboratory faded away and he found himself surrounded by the sights, sounds and smells of a Hollywood B-movie wild west saloon. Clouds of tobacco smoke drifted lazily, punctuating the buzz of conversations. The stink of stale whiskey mingled with the unpleasant fragrance of stale cowboys. Somewhere a honky-tonk piano was playing.
Peter was sitting at a table with a fan of playing cards in his hand. Across from him sat a cowboy with seven day stubble and a seven day stench. The cowboy was wearing a battered stetson hat and he had a red bandanna knotted around his throat. A large pistol lay in front of him on the table. Peter could feel the comfortable weight of his own pistol sitting snugly in the holster on his hip.
The scenario played itself out much as the professor had described it. The poker game reached a climax as the cowboy made his final bet. It was time to place their cards on the table. Peter spread his cards out. Four kings, an almost unbeatable hand. The cowboy smiled an evil smile and laid down five aces. "Well," said Peter, "what an unusual hand."
"Are you accusing me of cheating?" growled the cowboy, reaching for his gun.
The moment of truth. Peter prepared himself for the gunfight and the killing. But the sight of five aces made him realise that the scenario was no longer a very convincing one. Clearly he had stumbled across yet another bug in the software. A sudden perverse impulse made him decide to push the scenario right off the rails.
"Not at all," said Peter. "I was just congratulating you on your luck in getting such a marvellous hand. Five aces! That's just amazing. Let me buy you a drink to celebrate."
The cowboy looked puzzled and his hand fell away from the gun. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words never came. The saloon vanished into a dark oblivion as the software completely failed to come to grips with this unexpected twist in the dénouement.
Peter took the virtual reality helmet off, and he was back in the laboratory.
"What happened?" asked Professor Hanson.
"The software just went crazy," said Peter. "Five aces! That's ridiculous. Then I remembered your advice about tracking down bugs by pushing at the edge cases, so I decided to see how the scenario would cope with something even more outrageous than a messed up pack of cards. In a sense, I suppose you could say that I cheated..."
"So," said Professor Hanson. "This time I think you ought to kill somebody."
Peter, his research assistant, looked a bit taken aback. "Are we ready for that yet?" he asked. "The software is still full of bugs and it doesn't cope well with anything very extreme."
"That's why it will make a good test," said the Professor. "The only way we'll get the bugs out is to keep pushing at the edge cases."
"OK," said Peter, but he didn't sound convinced. "What's the scenario?"
"It's a bit of a cliché," admitted the Professor. "You'll be in a saloon in the wild west, playing poker with a bunch of cowboys. One of them keeps winning and eventually you can't stand it any more and you accuse him of cheating. You both go for your guns, and you kill him."
Peter pulled a face. "All right," he said. "Let's get it over with."
He picked up the virtual reality helmet and put it on. The laboratory faded away and Peter found himself surrounded by the sights, sounds and smells of a wild west saloon straight out of every B-grade Hollywood movie. The stench of stale whiskey mingled with the fragrance of stale cowboys. Somewhere a piano was playing. Peter was sitting at a table. He had a fan of playing cards in his hand. Sitting across from him was a man with seven day stubble. A large pistol was lying on the table in front of him. Peter could feel the weight of a pistol on his own hip.
The scenario played itself out much as the professor had described it. The final poker game reached a climax as the cowboy made his final bet. It was time to place the cards on the table. Peter spread his cards out. Four kings, an almost unbeatable hand. The cowboy smiled an evil smile and put his cards down one by one. Peter stared at the five aces his opponent had been betting on. "Well," said Peter, "what an unusual hand."
"Are you accusing me of cheating?" growled the cowboy, reaching for his gun.
The moment of truth. Peter prepared himself for the final gunfight. But the sight of five aces made him realise that the scenario was no longer a very convincing one. Clearly he had stumbled across yet another bug in the software. A sudden perverse impulse made him decide to push the scenario right off the rails.
"Not at all," said Peter. "I was just congratulating you on your luck in getting such a marvellous hand. Five aces! That's just amazing. Let me buy you a drink to celebrate."
The cowboy looked puzzled and his hand fell away from the gun. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words never came. The whole saloon faded away to blackness as the software completely failed to cope with the twist in the dénouement and just stopped working.
Peter took the virtual reality helmet off and he was back in the laboratory.
"What happened?" asked Professor Hanson.
"The software wasn't coping," said Peter. "Five aces! That's ridiculous. So I decided to do something quite unexpected just to see what would happen. I suppose you could say that I cheated."
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